Bitter Sweet.....but more sweet!

This weekend brings back memories!! I feel like I'm going back in time. I don't know that I've ever shared my fertility story on here but I'm going to sum it up right now so that I can get it off my chest one last time before I embark on a new journey (hopefully)!!

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Kylee was born in August of 2005. As David and I were preparing to get pregnant with our second baby in January 2007-ish, my doctors found that I had a massive blockage of scar tissue all over my reproductive organs. So I went to Los Angeles to have a series of surgeries to remove the scar tissue. It took the entire year of 2007 to finally remove 95% of the scar tissue. It looked good and so David and I began trying for our second child. After 9 months passed and no luck, I went back to my specialists here in Phoenix and we tried a couple attempts at artificial insemination. 6 months later and no luck! Then David started the academy so we decided to put our fertility procedures on hold until he was done. Then come October of this year (last month), we started our first attempt of Invitro Fertilization (IVF). That is the "honker" of all the fertility treatments. We were hoping to not have to get to this point, but we did and we took this step very cautiously, yet hopeful at the same time. Well, about 8 days in I had a "mock" run-through where they go in to check if everything looks good for the embryo transfer........and that is when they discovered that my scar tissue had formed back. I'm not about to go through the emotions that I have felt throughout these past 3 years of infertility, but let's just say that you can imagine how I felt after hearing this dreadful news.

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After feelings of wanting to give up and not go on, I decided that this is what has to be done and I needed to take this step with even more faith and patience than I've ever had. I'm ready and willing now to take this step. Soooooooo..........tomorrow begins this bitter-sweet experience all over again!

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We are heading over to Palm Springs first tomorrow to celebrate my Grandma's 80th birthday!! I just love her soooo much and I can't wait to celebrate this great day with her and ALL of my family! It's going to be a little reunion! Everyone is coming. There are cousins that I haven't seen in over 10 years!

(my sweet Grandma Montez)

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Then Sunday morning, I'm off to LA to pick up David at the airport. Then we embark in yet another surgery! I couldn't do this without the strength and love and amazing support of my sweet husband David. He is my rock and he keeps me grounded! I love him so much.

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As I think back to all that I've been through, I can't help but document this for my journal purposes. In total, since 2007 when we discovered the scar tissue (which resulted from my delivery with Kylee), I've had:

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-5 procedures (to test the extent of the scar tissue)

-3 surgeries (soon to be 4)

-2 artificial insemination procedures

-and a half attempt of IVF

-not to mention the mounds and mounds of doctor's visits and medications (many of which required me to stab myself with needles!!!)

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It's amazing what us women go through to have children. Infertility is so common now. I don't know the statistics of it all but I can only imagine that it's at least 1 out of every 5 women who have problems getting pregnant (if not more). It just amazes me how women were placed here on this earth to have children.....such an innocent and pure desire.....and yet so many of us have broken hearts over and over because we can't. I know my Father in Heaven loves me and wants me to be happy. I'm thankful for this trial because it has opened my eyes to so many different things and it has made me appreciate so much more in life (and to not take things for granted). I'm so thankful that my Father in Heaven knows what I can handle and that he gave me my sweet and precious Kylee before handing me this hard, HARD trial. I don't think I could've gone through it thus far without having my Kylee to melt all my sorrows away. If He only gives me this one sweet angel, I will be forever thankful. But I KNOW that I'm not done having children. I KNOW that my time will come and that Kylee will be a big sister some day. It's just a matter of WHEN and HOW and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. It amazes me how down I can get, but then how fast I can get up with a renewed strength and faith to get me to the next step in this trial. I'm thankful for my unshakable testimony of trials. I'm thankful for the amazing family I have who supports me, who prays for me on a daily basis, and who love me unconditionally. I only hope that by me going through this, I can strenghten each and every one of you when you go through trials to come in your life. Heavenly Father loves each and every one of us and wants us to be happy. I have NO DOUBT of that!

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So, here I go........to embark on the next phase of this trial, in hopes that I'm one step closer to becoming a Mommy again! And I know that I am!