Home and optimistic!

First I just want to say thank you for all the sweet and supportive comments everyone left on my previous post. It means a lot to me to have friends and family who care so much. I love you all!!!

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Well, I'm back from my 4 day trip to California. The surgery was a success and now it's just a healing and time process. Hopefully in 2-3 months, I'll be trying IVF again and getting pregnant this time! I feel very optimistic about things to come.
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My Grandma's 80th birthday party was so much fun. Every single one of my extended family members was there except for 5. We missed you Dana, Alexa, Chelsea, Ian and Tori! This was probably the first time we have ALL been together in about 10 years. My Grandma is worth it and I'm so glad everyone made time in their busy schedules to go.

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Here is my sweet Grandma! I only hope that I can look as good as her and be as healthy as her at 80 years old! She still has a good 15 years left in her! I know it! She's healthy as a horse and fiesty as ever. I love her so much! (love her ribbon.....it says, "Aged to perfection")

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Grandma telling funny stories from the past.

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Uncle Eddie singing to her. He has a great voice! He sang some funny songs, but he also sang some tear jerkers that brought the tears down!!! It was a very touching party!

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Uncle Eddie dancing with Grandma!

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DIRTY Kylee after playing in the dirt and eating roasted marshmellows with all the boys in the backyard. One thing about Grandma's house is that she has an AWESOME big backyard that all the kids love to play in!

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All the girl cousins, minus Dana. I LOVE them all! What a hot bunch of Mexicans!!! hahaha

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All the grandkids (from our immediate family) with Great Grandma....minus Jake - he was at the hotel sick with the stomach flu. Poor guy!

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The cake!

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Me and my awesome Grandma!

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Me, Kylee and Grandma.

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Grandma at her favorite restaurant.....Kobe's Steakhouse. That place was AMAZING! The steak was literally like butter melting in my mouth. It was a perfect choice Grandma!!!!

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What started my amazing family......Grandma and my Dad! My Dad is the 2nd oldest out of 8 kids.

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This was a great trip! I only wish David could've been there for my Grandma's party. He had to work that night so he flew up the next day to join me in Los Angeles. We stayed with his amazing cousin Megan who is the best hostess ever! She actually is a great support for me with all my infertility because she has gone through it herself. She now has one 3 year old girl from IVF, a set of 1 year old twins from IVF, and she is pregnant with her 4th by some miracle all on their own! It's amazing how the Lord blesses us in our own due time. I have so many great examples for me to look up to.

Bitter Sweet.....but more sweet!

This weekend brings back memories!! I feel like I'm going back in time. I don't know that I've ever shared my fertility story on here but I'm going to sum it up right now so that I can get it off my chest one last time before I embark on a new journey (hopefully)!!

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Kylee was born in August of 2005. As David and I were preparing to get pregnant with our second baby in January 2007-ish, my doctors found that I had a massive blockage of scar tissue all over my reproductive organs. So I went to Los Angeles to have a series of surgeries to remove the scar tissue. It took the entire year of 2007 to finally remove 95% of the scar tissue. It looked good and so David and I began trying for our second child. After 9 months passed and no luck, I went back to my specialists here in Phoenix and we tried a couple attempts at artificial insemination. 6 months later and no luck! Then David started the academy so we decided to put our fertility procedures on hold until he was done. Then come October of this year (last month), we started our first attempt of Invitro Fertilization (IVF). That is the "honker" of all the fertility treatments. We were hoping to not have to get to this point, but we did and we took this step very cautiously, yet hopeful at the same time. Well, about 8 days in I had a "mock" run-through where they go in to check if everything looks good for the embryo transfer........and that is when they discovered that my scar tissue had formed back. I'm not about to go through the emotions that I have felt throughout these past 3 years of infertility, but let's just say that you can imagine how I felt after hearing this dreadful news.

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After feelings of wanting to give up and not go on, I decided that this is what has to be done and I needed to take this step with even more faith and patience than I've ever had. I'm ready and willing now to take this step. Soooooooo..........tomorrow begins this bitter-sweet experience all over again!

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We are heading over to Palm Springs first tomorrow to celebrate my Grandma's 80th birthday!! I just love her soooo much and I can't wait to celebrate this great day with her and ALL of my family! It's going to be a little reunion! Everyone is coming. There are cousins that I haven't seen in over 10 years!

(my sweet Grandma Montez)

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Then Sunday morning, I'm off to LA to pick up David at the airport. Then we embark in yet another surgery! I couldn't do this without the strength and love and amazing support of my sweet husband David. He is my rock and he keeps me grounded! I love him so much.

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As I think back to all that I've been through, I can't help but document this for my journal purposes. In total, since 2007 when we discovered the scar tissue (which resulted from my delivery with Kylee), I've had:

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-5 procedures (to test the extent of the scar tissue)

-3 surgeries (soon to be 4)

-2 artificial insemination procedures

-and a half attempt of IVF

-not to mention the mounds and mounds of doctor's visits and medications (many of which required me to stab myself with needles!!!)

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It's amazing what us women go through to have children. Infertility is so common now. I don't know the statistics of it all but I can only imagine that it's at least 1 out of every 5 women who have problems getting pregnant (if not more). It just amazes me how women were placed here on this earth to have children.....such an innocent and pure desire.....and yet so many of us have broken hearts over and over because we can't. I know my Father in Heaven loves me and wants me to be happy. I'm thankful for this trial because it has opened my eyes to so many different things and it has made me appreciate so much more in life (and to not take things for granted). I'm so thankful that my Father in Heaven knows what I can handle and that he gave me my sweet and precious Kylee before handing me this hard, HARD trial. I don't think I could've gone through it thus far without having my Kylee to melt all my sorrows away. If He only gives me this one sweet angel, I will be forever thankful. But I KNOW that I'm not done having children. I KNOW that my time will come and that Kylee will be a big sister some day. It's just a matter of WHEN and HOW and I'm willing to wait as long as it takes. It amazes me how down I can get, but then how fast I can get up with a renewed strength and faith to get me to the next step in this trial. I'm thankful for my unshakable testimony of trials. I'm thankful for the amazing family I have who supports me, who prays for me on a daily basis, and who love me unconditionally. I only hope that by me going through this, I can strenghten each and every one of you when you go through trials to come in your life. Heavenly Father loves each and every one of us and wants us to be happy. I have NO DOUBT of that!

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So, here I go........to embark on the next phase of this trial, in hopes that I'm one step closer to becoming a Mommy again! And I know that I am!

Guaranteed to make you smile!

This is a blast from the past!!! I was going through some old videos I have saved over time and I just couldn't help but post this one. As I'm going through some hard times in my life, this helps bring a smile to my face and it helps me to remember all that I'm thankful for! Enjoy!

Halloween 2009

Halloween was very fun and BUSY this year! First we had our ward trunk or treat the weekend before Halloween. I had Jacey that day so it was fun to dress up two little girls and take them trick or treating!

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Kylee was Rainbow Brite

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And Jacey was a little lady bug (Kylee's costume from 2 years ago)

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Handing out candy at the trunk or treat

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On Halloween morning we carved our pumpkins

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Kylee refused to reach into the pumpkin but she liked playing with the "slimey goop" after it was on the newspaper!

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Kylee begs me all the time for a kitty (which I REFUSE to EVER OWN) so I let her carve a kitty in her pumpkin. This is the closest she will ever get to owning a kitty!

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David's was a skeleton (yes he carved it himself).....mine was a smiley jack-o-lantern face, and Kylee's was the kitty again!

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Later that day we went to the ASU game with Jaime and her family. It was HOT but very fun! Sullivan stunk up the place......as usual! Ugh!

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Our reactions after the horrible loss to California...

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Halloween night we went to David's sister's neighborhood where we went trick or treating with 7 of her cousins and a lot of other friends. It was a lot of fun!

Here is David as "Starsky"...

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And Kylee as Rainbow Brite again!

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This gorilla freaked all the kids out!

These three refused to go up to him to get candy. They decided it just wasn't worth it. Their faces tell it all! Hahaha

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Awwwww........

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Being silly on our walk from house to house (and no, I didn't dress up as anything - so sad)

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So cute!

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David and 4 out of the million kids we went trick or treating with. It was truly a fun night!

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This picture explains it all! It was a busy, but VERY FUN day and night. We just love the holidays!